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Free Advice from Matchmaker Barbara Summers

With nearly 400 marriages to her credit, she has a thing or two to share about finding—and becoming—Mr. or Mrs. Right

By Erin Meanley Glenny

If lifestyles don’t line up, your relationship never will either, says professional matchmaker Barbara Summers. “It doesn’t mean you have to be rich, but you have to respect how each other lives. Do your basic needs match his? If a woman owns her own home and she meets the TDH (tall, dark, and handsome), he may be doing flip-flops in the bedroom, but if he’s had 14 jobs and can barely pay his rent, it’s never going to work.”

When Summers meets a new client, she heads to his home. “I meet his dog, look in his refrigerator, see what his bedroom looks like. I’ve got to see what a woman would be taking on. If I don’t feel comfortable, how am I going to introduce this guy to someone in this town?”

Matchmaking in San Diego since 1986, the Solana Beach resident and author of Next! A Matchmaker’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right, Ditching Mr. Wrong, and Everything In Between has seen everything.

“One guy had six blenders in his kitchen. He’s making nutritional drinks and has a whole cabinet full of vitamins, a massage table in his bedroom. This girl would have to be very health oriented. She couldn’t be slamming down a ton of In-n-Out burgers.”

Summers has been responsible for 392 marriages throughout her career. She recommends meeting someone in a setting you frequent.

“I tell women, ‘Give me three things that you really, really, really, REALLY love to do—like four reallys.’ They say, ‘I love to dance, paint, and I’m really into my two dogs.’ Go take a dance class and walk your dog in some dog parks. Here’s the hard part: You might have to open your lips, say, ‘Oh, I love your dogs.’ It’s your job to flirt, and what’s the worst thing they’re going to say?”

Summers speaks at venues around the country, like Canyon Ranch, but when she’s home, her favorite local date spots all avoid the “loud hustle-bustle.” She likes Truluck’s in the UTC area for its “big, beautiful booths,” live piano, and great atmosphere. She also favors the second floor of Eddie V’s and the main level of George’s, both in La Jolla. For romantic and cozy, she likes Cardiff’s Trattoria Positano. But if quiet makes you uneasy? “My favorite crazy energy place is Cucina Enoteca in Flower Hill.”

On the coffee versus dinner question, Summers says it depends how you were introduced. If you met online, do coffee. “There are too many liars and married men. It is a must for women to ask extremely direct questions.” Ask for the name of the company where they work and if they’re still married.

“Even though I represent men, I’m really into protecting women. Even if I have to slap a man around a little and say, ‘This is not going to work for you anymore.’” She adds, “The women in this town love me.”

Free Advice from Matchmaker Barbara Summers

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