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The "Faggedabowdit" Technique: A Terrific Tool for Mental Health

Why do so many people seem to have easygoing, friendly relationships...except you?

 

Righteous indignation. Proving your point. Being right. Holding On. Never letting go. Beating a dead horse. Having to win. Always coming out on top. Having to have the last word. Sound familiar?   Then this column is surely for you. 

Peace. You know that tranquil, serene, quiet sense of contentment…that always seems to escape you? Why is it that so many people seem to have amicable, agreeable, easygoing, friendly relationships…except for you? Peace. That still, accommodating, conciliatory, relaxed feeling…that you never seem to have.   

Aren’t we supposed to be a peace loving, peace promoting and peaceful community? So why must we always be right, always win, never give in, and constantly have the last word? Don’t you see the contradiction? Peace and never letting go are totally incompatible in interpersonal relations. 

Here is an all too common situation: Andrew offers a thought, opinion or view that you believe is completely inaccurate, ill-informed or simply misguided. What do you do? Of course, you volunteer your thoughts on the subject and, not being a lamb, a wimp or doormat, you tell old Andrew that he is wrong. 

What does Andrew do? He persists in attempting to convince you of his viewpoint. You, naturally, will never let him be successful in this endeavor and instead, completely give in to the impulse to argue your point. 

To what end? Peace? Surely not. What will not letting go do for you besides raise your blood pressure, turn your feelings into anger and frustration and otherwise disturb your inner sense of peace…not to mention turn your friend Andrew into an enemy, at least temporarily? 

What would you really lose if you used my favorite mental health tool, the good old,“faggedabowdit” technique and simply went on to another subject? You would lose nothing except the chance for aggravation in your life. 

Someone does something “wrong” in your eyes. You tell her about it. She argues that she is correct and you are wrong. You want peaceFaggedabowdit. You think you can really convince her?

You see a movie with a friend. Your friend tells you this movie you loved and thought was the greatest ever, was terribly done, had poor acting, and a lousy script. You want peaceFaggedabowdit. You think you are a movie critic?

You come home looking forward to a wonderful dinner. Your spouse or partner prepares what you consider to be a less than a desirable meal. You want peaceFaggedabowdit. Is this the last supper?

The need to have the last word in every situation, to be right all of the time, to always prove that your friend is wrong, is a disease. It will make your life filled with hostility, contentiousness, belligerence, and a cacophony of negative emotions…all of which will shorten your life span. You want peaceFaggedabowdit. Who appointed you king?

Let go of this need to prove you are right. If you are, and you know it, in most situations, that should be enough. Especially if it’s peace you want. When you use faggedabowdit, you’ll see within moments, it simply won’t matter any more. And you’ll have peace.

 

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About This Blog

Edit ModulePsychologist Michael Mantell tackles San Diego’s psychological well-being, from reducing stress and anxiety to creating closer bonds with family to the importance of physical fitness.

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