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Sweet Dreams
IT MUST HAVE BEEN A DREAM. There I was, face down on a massage table in the MGM Grand’s spa. In Las Vegas. There was a beautiful woman on a table beside me. We were both being kneaded . . . And I think, yes, prior to this we’d had our feet bathed by comely female attendants. And there was mud. Yeah, we were wrapped in it, while those attendants massaged our heads. Ahhh. It felt like it went on for two hours. Was that me snoring? Could this have really happened? I hope so. Because the MGM Grand really does have a spiffy, expansive spa. And the Grand Spa’s new, signature treatment is The Dreaming Ritual. Australian Aboriginal techniques—foot bath, burning of leaves, salt scrub, mud wrap—are the essence of this 120- minute couple’s experience.
But back to this dream. In it, it’s my job to explore a different side of Vegas. I have to submit to hands——everywhere, hands!——all over my body. And oils and goops and gels and rocks——hot, rounded rocks that sear into my muscles.
Here’s what I remember:
A car picks me up at the airport. It’s a black sedan, and a friendly man named Paul who works for a company named AWG Charter Services gets out and drives me wherever I want. Apparently I want a room. We’re whisked to an underground entrance. I can see the sign: THEhotel. It’s a new tower connected to Mandalay Bay, and that’s the name, THEhotel. It’s artsy and futuristic here. And dark. There’s a flatscreen TV in our suite. No, two, nooo, three flat-screens——there’s even one in the bathroom. Is it THEbathroom? I’m not sure. But I want to live in this suite forever. I’m not sure how we get there—you know how things move inexplicably in dreams——but now it’s time for the hot-rock massages. I’m in THEhotel’s Bathhouse. It’s austere but tranquil. The chenille robes are comfy——it’s like being in a form-fitting white cloud.
But now Paul is back, and he is taking a shortcut across The Strip to get us to the Aladdin. We float into Aladdin’s spa, called Elemis. A “Ceremony of Love” has been prepared. An exotic, jasmine-flower bath——for two——has been drawn. Splishsplash. The tubbing is followed by a couple’s well-being massage. Well. Being in this dream is not too bad, indeed.
This next part couldn’t have been real. We ate——no, gorged——at Aladdin’s Spice Market Buffet. There were a half-dozen different food stands, arranged by nationalities. Italian. Middle Eastern. And the unbelievable part: all-you-can-drink beer and wine. And champagne!
Suddenly, Paul is opening the car door, and we’re at the Palms. It seems like my wife is being pulled off to get a French pedicure. Três bien. I’m taken to the men’s side of Palms Spa for more hot stones. These stones rock. At one point, there seem to be about two dozen at play on different parts of my anatomy. It feels like I’m lying on a half-dozen rocks. A couple rest on my forehead. Still more are loosening up my legs. Rock on.
Back in the locker room —— I’m naked. No, this isn’t that dream. But I get dressed, and remark to an attendant how comfortable the spa’s Sensi sandals are. Tiny air bubbles massage my feet when I walk. “Got a bag?” the attendant asks. I show him my knapsack. He drops a pair in. We exchange a knowing glance. I slither out.
Y’know, this must have been a dream. How could I have gone to Vegas and not spent hours losing money at the craps table?
Then again, I did sample some fine food. Bouchon is a French bistro in The Venetian that serves a good “plateau” of seafood——but it takes a map and a guide to find the place. And I dug into a fine hunk of beef at Bradley Ogden at Caesars Palace. In fact, the Bradley Ogden (not to be confused with THEbradleyogden) took us for a tour of his immaculate kitchen.
In retrospect, I don’t need to know if it was all a dream or not. Do not pinch me.
For information on rates at THEhotel, call 877-632-7000. A 50-minute hot-rock massage at Bathhouse is $150.
At Elemis Spa (866-9-ELEMIS) in Aladdin, the Ceremony of Love treatment is $300 .
A hot-rock massage at Palms Spa (866- PALMS-RES) is $125 .
The MGM Grand Spa (800-929- 1111) offers The Dreaming Ritual for $285. And for car service, call AWG at 702-792-8000
and definitely ask for Paul.
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