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The Sights, the Sounds, the Smells of Las Vegas |
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Though fraught with the possibility of financial peril, this is my dream assignment. Las Vegas for the opening rounds of the NCAA Basketball Tournament is a tradition. Some college buddies and I have celebrated March Madness thusly for nine years. It finally occurred to me to report on this little bacchanal. So, in the spirit of service journalism—and writing off a few travel expenses—here’s a little seasoned advice on getting through a guys’ weekend in Vegas.
Picking Your Posse. Gerry flies in from Milwaukee. Woody makes the drive from Anaheim. The San Diego contingent is a threesome, and the boys from Philly travel as a six-pack. In selecting your weekend companions, take several factors into consideration. Ralph, for example, is good at dividing up a bar tab. Fish is great at picking up a bar tab. Woody is a good decision-maker. But we definitely have to keep him downwind after a Treasure Island buffet dinner.
Sleeping Arrangements. Let’s face it, manly men smell. Bunk up with your college pals, but stop at Costco beforehand and buy aerosol in bulk. Years ago, we might have been tempted to get one room for a group of 14—and sleep in shifts. Now, many of us have jobs to support our gambling habits, so we can afford to sleep just three or four to a room. Treasure Island has been a mainstay. This year we also booked the Mirage, a neighboring megaresort conveniently connected to Treasure Island by a tram. The TI–Mirage combo is near the middle of the Strip. It facilitates easy jaunts downtown for some low-rent craps at the Golden Nugget, or uptown to mingle with folks who rent extra penthouse suites at the Four Seasons just for their cats. This flexibility is key.
Eating Habits. How many cheeseburgers can a man eat before roughage consumption becomes a conversation starter? Don’t try to find out. Here’s an idea: If you leave the blackjack table with more than you sat down with one night, immediately cab over to the Prime steakhouse at Bellagio. Assuming you remembered to pack slacks and a collar shirt, Prime is an awesome way to feel like a big spender. Service is impeccable. The porterhouse is delicious. Each component of the surf-and-turf melts in your mouth. A floor-to-ceiling glass wall allows for a view of the hotel’s water show. Best of all, the swanky ambience makes you forget you’re sleeping three to a room that’s starting to smell like Gold’s Gym.
Gambling. The rebounding tourism industry nets a nice donation from our group. Take all advice here with a grain of salt. But if you’ve got the patience, there’s a game at the Mirage we stumbled across—nearly literally—called Casino War. The rules: You get a card. The dealer gets a card. High card wins. It’s quite the far cry from craps, where shooters are coming out, a high/low pays 31-for-1 and the odds you can put on a pass line bet vary from point to point.
Sports Viewing. Before entering the New York–New York Hotel & Casino, pause outside at a moving memorial to September 11. Hundreds of NYPD and FDNY T-shirts hang on an iron fence, honoring police and fire crews. Once inside, find your way to the ESPN Zone. It’s mission control for sports junkies. For starters, there are two 14-foot TV screens surrounded by a bank of 12 more TVs. Eleven recliners sit in front of the big screens. Then there are rows and rows of booths configured for best sightlines. This is serious stuff, and the touch-screen TV on each booth table is quite helpful for watching several games at once. There are more than 150 TVs in all here—including 6-inch models in front of each urinal; larger models hang on the ceiling above each bathroom stall (no loitering, please).
Entertainment & Nightlife. If you’re still hanging around New York– New York, walk upstairs to Coyote Ugly. The bar top here is meant for two things: momentary storage of alcoholic beverages and women’s dancing feet. Staff and patrons climb up to wiggle what nature—or their plastic surgeon —has given them. Farther down the Strip—and much farther afield—is a slightly more refined show called “O.” It’s a Cirque de Soleil extravaganza performed inside Bellagio. With 81 clowns, acrobats, contortionists and a 1.5-million-gallon water tank, “O” is like a really wet Fellini film. “O” is pricey. Gilley’s Bar, however, is not. Gilley’s is a blast from the Urban Cowboy past. It’s inside the Frontier casino. Buy yourself a $2 draft beer. Then for $6 buy yourself six seconds of derision from your friends and ride the mechanical bull.
This, gentlemen, is adult entertainment at its finest.
If you go:
Book early, look for a sale, and get a round-trip ticket on Southwest for $85. Room rates at the Mirage vary. Certain weekdays range from $99 to $129 for a standard room; with weekend rates going up to $159-$199. For more information about the Mirage, call 702-791-7111. For other information, call the Las Vegas Convention & Visitors Authority at 702-892-0711.
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