Booze and Buffets

By Ron Donoho

IT'S ALL ABOUT ACCESS TO EXCESS. Bigger is better. Behemoth is best. To fully appreciate Las Vegas, you have to live large, double your bets and sustain yourself by grazing at those sumptuous smorgasbords known as buffets.

And such is my plan--with a perverted focus on the buffets. Along with obtaining a beautiful bedroom and bountiful booze, this trip is to be super-sized. For three days I will eat exclusively at buffets. Seared perch with almond sauce. Seafood shu mai. Roasted duck à la mandarine.

I'm advised Vegas buffets have gone from very lowbrow to somewhat upscale. And I observe this to be generally true. Alongside the Mount McKinley-size piles of shrimp, I find rock-shrimp ceviche. Where once only prime rib was sliced by toque-topped chefs, now they're also cutting buffalo top sirloin.

I'm ready to step up to the plate.

THE EATING EXTRAVAGANZA begins at my posh home base on The Strip: Bellagio. Gorgeous digs. Even in a basic room, there are electric shade and sheer openers. Meaning you don't have to get out of bed to close the curtains. Very convenient during a buffet binge.

Service is paramount at Bellagio. I know because en route from San Diego, Southwest Airlines loses my bag. You'd think the Bellagio bell clerk was the one whose luggage went astray. She calls the airline for
me and completely facilitates the bag's eventual arrival.

Good thing the luggage finally does arrive. Buffet-hopping means I will sorely need my elastic-waistband sweatpants.

For dinner, the Bellagio buffet is nice. Not grand. But okay. There's a sushi spread. Everything from an arugula salad to thin-crust pizza to spiced rack of lamb is on display. I make four trips--four!--to the buffet before I hear this sage advice from an adjacent table: "Don't put just anything on your plate until you've looked at everything."

ONE BUFFET BAR into the mission, and eater's remorse has already set in. To dull this feeling, my buffet buddy and I head to Shibuya. We're here to drink--no eating. This Japanese restaurant in the MGM Grand has a sake sommelier named Eric Swanson. Also on-site tonight is Sake World Inc. president John Gauntner.

Sake guru Gauntner explains the basics of rice wine: junmai and honjozo are the entry-level types; the premiums are called ginjo and daiginjo. Have hot sake if you want Budweiser-level stuff, says Gauntner. But premiums are best served slightly chilled.

Deliciously chilled by some Takatenjin (a ginjo), we head into the Vegas night. I can offer only token descriptions from this point on: A new rooftop club at THEhotel called Mix has the most amazing city view--from the urinals. And Forty Deuce, a new burlesque club at Mandalay Bay, has the most energetic booty-shaking (non-nude) dancers. Why is the Pink Panthertheme song rattling in my head?

WE HIT PARIS' LE VILLAGE for the first buffet of the next day. We're seated by a fake tree under a faux blue sky. Hokey, right? Mais, non. It's surprisingly laidback. Our waitress offers a " bon jour," and we're off and eating. I knock back only two plates--especially enjoying a sherry shrimp bisque and some spicy clams marinière. Yes, for breakfast.

I go for the ahi sushi for lunch at Spice Village in the Aladdin. The tempura shrimp is good, too. The buffet here is divided by ethnicity: American, Mexican, Italian . . . There's also a "Jewels of the Sea" area. A guy at the Middle Eastern section highly recommends the lamb kabobs. I pile kabobs on my plate and waddle back to the table.

We try to end our meal with fruit plates. But I can't resist going back again for some jewels of the sea (shrimp, crab legs) and a little sweet-and-sour chicken. On the way out of Spice Village, my friend notes: "Look at this extra-wide escalator."

My resolve to cut back during dinner evaporates upon arrival at Dishes Buffet at TI. When TI was called Treasure Island, the buffet was a dump. A $7.5 million renovation creates an A-list transformation. It's Asian-themed, and I go for some vegetable lo mein and Mongolian beef. The sushi outlay is most impressive-- edamame, even. Asian theme or not, I help myself to several slices of capicola. I draw the line at grabbing a pink cloud of cotton candy for dessert. You gotta have some discipline.

ARE YOU FULL JUST READING about this day? Imagine living it. Bloated but not beaten, we visit Isla, also in TI. Here is where we meet 6-foot-1 (even taller with hair and heels) Mariena Mercer. Her title: tequila goddess.

Mercer's job is to encourage and educate patrons about Isla's 91 types of tequila. She brings out a tasting menu of blancos, reposados and anejos. Instead of salt and lime, the tequila shots are prefaced with marinated cucumbers and topped off with sangrita (a spicy tomato sauce). More high-end Herradura, anyone?

Once again, the night's proceedings can only be summed up in a minimalist recollection: How many Red Bull-and- vodkas did I have at Mandalay Bay's Foundation Room?

MUCH LATER NEXT MORNING, we drag ourselves to Cravings at Mirage. Squarefootage- wise, this is the biggest buffet we've seen. I'm a mess. I resolve to come back another time. On an emptier stomach. But even as I try to leave, to seek something that will relieve acid reflux, I catch sight of the shrimp scampi. My plate suddenly contains pork pot stickers. And--for crying out loud--fried chicken.

Afterward, enough is finally enough. The plan calls for one more buffet before flying out. But I can't do it. If I go, I'll explode --Monty Python style. I'm done. The Vegas buffets have won. But I'll be back. I hear the spread at Rio is pretty outstanding . . .

If You Go

Stay at Bellagio (888-987-3456) at least once in your life. A deluxe room starts at $299 a night; a salone suite is $600 .

Get more information about MGM's Shibuya at 702- 891-3001. For more information about Mandalay Bay's Foundation Room or Forty Deuce, call 702- 632-7777.