The Sports Widow's Dilemma

9 tips to balance a marriage and sports fanaticism

When your competition in marriage is the 105th edition of Major League Baseball’s 2009 World Series between the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies, what’s a spouse to do? Nicknamed the “Turnpike Series” because it connects New York to Philadelphia through the New Jersey Turnpike, or the “Liberty Series,” due to the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia and the Statue of Liberty in New York, this is the fifth series played between teams from New York and Philadelphia.

As if that excitement isn’t enough to drive a wedge into a perfectly fine marital relationship, there’s this additional distraction: Game 4 will be played on the same day as another Philadelphia–New York matchup. The Eagles and the Giants kickoff at 4:15 p.m. However, to prevent the football game from finishing too close to the first pitch, the National Football League moved the football game to 1 p.m. And as if all that wasn’t enough, on November 1, there is also an NFL double header!

What’s a spouse to do? Give in to the “sports widow/widower” syndrome?

Truth be told, a problem exists only if you feel your spouse’s sports fanaticism is negatively affecting family or couple time. “Sportsaholics,” like workaholics, sometimes immerse themselves in outside activities to avoid their home life or relationship. The United States has more than 62 million sports fans and at least 19 million sports addicts, and they are 92 percent male, ages 18–54. If he places sports too far above your life together, it could be that something bad is brewing between you. In this case, sports fandom is masking the real issue, and he won’t reduce his reliance on sports until that problem is solved.

Sports widow survivors will tell you, for example, to think about sports as his love of competition, and to learn some basics of his favorite sport and surprise him when you call the pitch before it happens or the play before the quarterback does. They will undoubtedly tell you to read a sports-related article or column about a big sports story, why it matters to sports fans, and then mention it when you see your sports-fanatic husband. They might even tell you to get an oversize jersey of his favorite team and wear it with high heels and a smile.

Sounds pretty superficial to me and a bit too cutesy. I suggest nine more powerful, more meaningful and more effective tools to hit grand slam homeruns in your marriage. I believe these nine tools will help you grow closer, healthier and ultimately happier — in and out of an exciting sports season.
1. Make your spouse your priority. The more you give, the more you get.
2. Appreciate, rather than denigrate, the differences between you. Differences keep a relationship exciting.
3. Compliment each other every day. See what your spouse brings to your life and compliment each other for those things. It will surely bring smiles.
4. Talk about having fun with each other, plan it, budget the time and finances and do it!
5. Thinking positively about each other and giving the benefit of the doubt will help overcome impatience, irritability and intolerance. Decide every day between two choices: to make each other happy or to make each other very happy.
6. Going to bed at the same time helps you rebuild togetherness and reconnect.
7. Listen by paying real attention — put down your cell phone, the newspaper, the recipe and look each other in the eye.
8. Make love because sex is good, it’s the glue of a relationship and it’s a great gift. Don’t deprive each other of this remarkable symbol of your marriage.
9. When you treasure each other in every possible way, you will get back far more than you give.

There you have it. Nine tools, one for each inning. You’ll win the World Series big time if you hit each one of these tips out of the park. Marriage is a contact sport. Seize the remote. Reclaim the recliner. Get in the game!

For more than 30 years, Dr. Mantell has successfully been bringing upbeat, friendly and helpful psychological insights to individuals, families and businesses in San Diego as a clinical and corporate psychologist in private practice. He's been a regular on Good Morning America, KFMB-TV News 8, has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live, the Today show, authored two best-selling books and speaks regularly for audiences throughout the country. He can be found on Facebook and Twitter.

 

Do you like what you read? Subscribe to San Diego Magazine »