Sexy in the City

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You Sexy Thing

The word “sexy” is, of course, open to interpretation. One man’s Angelina is another man’s Jennifer Aniston. One woman’s spike heel is another woman’s UGG boot. But is sexiness something that can be taught? Are there any universal tips (from hairstyles to hot new workouts) for regular people who want to tweak their sex appeal? Well, sort of. As long as they keep in mind that sexiness is also something that comes from within and not just from Victoria’s Secret.

Sexy Tip #1: It’s about the strut. “You know that phenomenon that happens when you’re single and you go out, and no one seems to be attracted to you—but as soon as you’re in a relationship, everybody wants you?” asks Karras. “I think it’s because, when you are in a relationship, you feel whole and complete. You radiate a confidence that makes you very sexy.”

Adds his partner, Adachi: “You don’t need to be sexy to every single person you encounter. You just need to know that you are a sexual being. It’s about the attitude and the confidence. It’s about the strut.”

Sexy Tip #2: It’s also about the shoes. Do not underestimate the importance of presentable footwear. It’s not just that bad shoes or the wrong shoes can ruin a perfectly good outfit. They’re an instant attitude adjustment as well. “Because you stand in them, they make you feel a certain way,” says personal wardrobe stylist Mahjuba Levine. “If you put on a great heel, you feel totally different. It changes your walk. It changes the way you feel.” She recommends any Jimmy Choo shoe.

Sexy Tip #3: Ditch the ponytail. Long, loose, touchable hair is the objective these days, according to Travis Parker of La Jolla’s Travis Parker Salon. “We’re also seeing a tremendous influence with bangs right now. I use the term ‘committed bangs’—when they are just above the eye. We’re working with people’s facial features, their cheekbones, jawlines and noses, to create some framing and movement around their faces.” Parker adds that “brunette is the new blonde.”

Sexy Tip #4: Let them see you sweat. Experts such as Summer Saldana, the San Diego host and event coordinator for the speed-dating service Hurry- Date, says people are often most attractive when they’re sporting a nice endorphin glow, whether they’re working out at the gym or summiting Cowle’s Mountain.

“At that point, people are being themselves,” she says. “They’re not all decked out. And they’re sweating, which is kind of sexy.”

Sexy Tip #5: Be original. Just because you saw someone do it in a movie (e.g., buying someone a drink in a bar before you’ve officially met) doesn’t mean you’ll score any points with it in real life.

Sexy Tip #6: Invest in an amazing pair of jeans. Check out L.A. Fairchild Denim Bar in Cardiff by the Sea. Owner Laura Fairchild carries about 30 lines of jeans and puts her staff through three weeks of training to set up customers with the perfect pair. Prices range from $80 to $300 for a pair made of premium Italian denim that’s been cut, treated and prewashed just so. “In San Diego, jeans are appropriate almost anywhere,” says Fairchild.

But even if you look sexy and act sexy, do you feel sexy inside? Plastic surgeon Dr. Munish Batra, best known for his body contouring and facelift procedures, might seem an unlikely proponent of people learning to live comfortably and beautifully within their own skin. In his practice, he puts an emphasis on educating his patients on the limitations of aesthetic surgery.

“There are patients I turn away because they have unrealistic thoughts about what the procedure is going to achieve,” he says. “That’s one of the things I try to screen for. I want to make sure that my patients understand this is a procedure that is going to help with their body contour and not life in general.”

Batra says he’s also very comfortable telling patients they’re just not ready for plastic surgery, “even though I know they can go down the street and get their facelift from someone else. I find that to be a disturbing trend.”

Sexual Healing

It’s been said that subversion breeds perversion. If this is true, then one of our best antidotes is The Rubber Rose in North Park. There is not a subversive inch of space in this sensuously decorated store stocked with erotic merchandise. But this is no sex shop. It’s a sexuality boutique/ art gallery located among the artist show spaces along the funky Ray Street corridor.

The Rubber Rose features dark, rich boudoir décor, with an elaborate chandelier, hardwood floors and original artwork on the walls. It has the clean, woodland nymph–like feel of an Aveda store. There’s also an edgy independent spirit that makes you want to buy whatever bumper sticker they’re selling.

Thank owners Lea Caughlan and Carly Delso-Saavedra for that. Both women came up through the ranks of women’s rights activism. Before becoming a sexuality boutique proprietor, Caughlan’s focus was on igniting passionate conversations about sexual issues, in hopes of sparking something along the lines of the animal rights movement.

Delso-Saavedra’s background is in social services. For about nine years, she led after-school youth programs and worked at shelters and hotlines for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. “I’ve always been in positions where people would come to me and ask questions about sex,” she says.

The women say business is strong. On a recent weeknight, customers browsed the shelves until the 10 p.m. closing. That included about a dozen members of a gay men’s group that was meeting in the neighborhood. “They’re on a field trip,” jokes Caughlan, who points out that selling merchandise is only half of what they do here. Caughlan and Delso-Saavedra also use their venue as an educational platform. The shop and adjoining art gallery have hosted events ranging from a mother- daughter tea to a lecture series on topics such as “Sex and Disability.” “We wanted a space where people felt comfortable asking questions,” says Caughlan.

In a similar spirit of getting things out in the open, erotic-dance instructor Resa Weinstein started the Erotic Networking Group in San Diego. Its monthly meet-and-greet at the East Village wine bar 57 Degrees draws from across the ranks of San Diego’s erotic industries: a pair of Kama Sutra coaches, a porn star, artists, sexologists and a novelty-cake decorator are among the regulars. “And the nude butler is really cool, too,” says Weinstein.

All of this is a giant marketing step up from the days when risqué businesses lurked on the fringes of town. That’s not to say that this is the direction we’re going with our city’s sexual identity. It does, however, suggest that we’re not afraid to show—explore, even—our sexy side.

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Wish You Were Here?

WHAT IS SAN DIEGO’S SEXIEST neighborhood? Is La Jolla more seductive than Del Mar? Is North Park hotter than South Park? You be the judge.

Del Mar

Sexiest Features: Dreamy panoramic ocean views from the deck of Del Mar Plaza, the outdoor cabaña massage at L’Auberge Resort & Spa, the sexy smart employees at The Book Works
Turnons: Going to the horse races
Turnoffs: Goofy hats

La Jolla

Sexiest Features: Scuba divers, roughwater swimmers, Surf Divas, La Valencia Hotel’s La Sala Cocktail Lounge
Turnons: Late-night drives up Mount Soledad
Turnoffs: Seal poop

East Village

Sexiest Features: Rooftop bars, pedicab drivers, the stylists at Say Lula Salon
Turnons: Professional baseball
Turnoffs: Fashion mullets

North Park

Sexiest Features: The tennis skirts at Balboa Tennis Club, the to-go boxes at Heaven Sent Desserts, the T-shirts at Kate Ross
Turnons: Ray at Night
Turnoffs: The bus stop at 30th and University at night

Hillcrest

Sexiest Features: The customers at Buffalo Exchange, orchids at the Hillcrest Farmers’ Market, the dance floor at Urban Mo’s
Turnons: Art films at Hillcrest Cinemas
Turnoffs: Parking meters

Pacific Beach

Sexiest Features: Tower23, the Moonlight Paddle on Mission Bay
Turnons: Beach-cruising bar crawls
Turnoffs: Bouncers

South Park

Sexiest Features: Open-mic night at Rebecca’s, knitting circles at The Grove on Juniper, the art at Magpie Gallery
Turnons: Neighborhood walkabouts
Turnoffs: Emo overload

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