Sexy in the City

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Never mind our quiet, conservative image. San Diegans are proving they’re not afraid to get cozy in a rooftop cabaña, speed date in a $300 pair of jeans or talk openly about . . . well, (ahem) you know . . . s-e-x. Get all the juicy details in our under-the-covers report on what it means to be sexy in San Diego.

SAN DIEGO HAS BEEN CALLED MANY THINGS. A lot of them have been very nice things, like “The Best Place To Visit in the Summer” by Travel + Leisure and “One of the 12 Best Walking Cities in the USA” by the American Podiatric Medical Association. True, we could be called worse. But America’s Finest City seems determined to take on yet another title—America’s Sexiest City.

We certainly have all the trappings to pull it off: plenty of sunshine and fitness consciousness, a toned and tanned populace, lots of chic see-and-be-seen locales, even a surprising little naughty side. It’s not a watered-down version of neighboring sexpots Los Angeles or Las Vegas we’re talking about, either. San Diego’s brand of sexiness is uniquely our own, and it has been years in the making.

As worthy an arbiter as anyone who has a finger on the pulse of hotness in this city, personal trainer Chris Keith says he’s seen a dramatic shift in recent years. When he moved here from Los Angeles in high school, 16 years ago, he says, people were more laid-back and beachy.

“What I’ve seen lately is that it’s becoming much more VIP-oriented. Everyone is so much more image-conscious than they were 10 years ago,” Keith says. Maybe that’s because the city in general has changed so much in the past decade. As our restaurants, shops, neighborhoods and collective design all move in a more confident and cosmopolitan direction, it could be argued that the people in San Diego have simply adapted to their environment.

Sex Marks the Spot

By most accounts, the Gaslamp on a Saturday night is San Diego at its sexiest. Here, beneath the city’s twinkling lights, beautiful young things climb out of taxis in front of sleek nightclubs, mingle on condo balconies and fit seamlessly into the décor at places like Confidential and JBar. These are no sleepy beach-town folk in flip-flops and board shorts but rather, nightclub royalty who can, for a $20 cover charge, slip through the unmarked door of Aubergine (where, truth be told, flip-flops are against the dress code). The lighting in here is as dim and seductive as a Prada ad, and the fare ranges from lavender martinis to the menu claim of “the most amazing nigiri sushi to caress your lips.” General manager Ruth White says Aubergine’s timeless, sexy feng shui is a good match for downtown’s nightclubbing persona, which she calls “a mix of New York City and Miami.”

In the surrounding blocks, a belly dancer shimmies in the doorway of Royal India restaurant, Hustler Hollywood sells naughty merchandise until 2 a.m., and restaurant/nightclub Stingaree serves up a full evening of sensuous treats. Here, you can start with the “ménage à trois” appetizer of calamari, scallops and prawns in the ground-level restaurant. Then, sink into one of the leather sofas that line the second-floor VIP mezzanine— the consummate spot for celebrities the likes of Jenna Jameson and Kanye West (as well as the everyday young and moneyed) to get noticed in downtown San Diego.

Or you can ascend even farther to Stingaree’s rooftop bar, where private tented cabañas with a stunning downtown view provide the consummate spot not to get noticed, if you catch our meaning. “The idea is to meet a hot date downstairs and then bring them up here for the rest of the evening,” says Stingaree VIP host Nicholas Sanderson.

Catwalks, dance floors, privacy curtains and eye candy galore cast a decadent spell. This is a strain of sexiness Sanderson calls “cool/retro/New Age.” But the women in empire tops and the men in pressed open-collar shirts at Stingaree aren’t exactly the pioneers of misbehaving in downtown San Diego. They’re just a new generation of misbehaving pioneers, as even Stingaree’s name is a playful wink at the Gaslamp’s not-so-chaste past.

At the start of the last century, the entire downtown neighborhood was known as the Stingaree, a red-light district bustling with saloons and brothels that catered to sailors in port. According to an essay in The Journal of San Diego History, prostitutes working in “The Stables” on Third Avenue conducted their business in rooms resembling stalls “built in a long row facing a compound.” As recently as a couple of decades ago, the same blocks were lined with topless bars and adult bookstores with blacked-out windows. Gentrification, rising rents and a concerted effort by city officials to clean up the Gaslamp Quarter might have removed the area’s seedy “Hey, sailor” element. But San Diego is still a little conflicted about its own sexual proclivities.

You won’t exactly hear this from the tourism board, but in certain circles, San Diego is seen as a growing hub for the pornography industry, X-rated Web sites and spouse-swapping. “There’s a lot of stuff going on,” says one insider. “It’s all just pushed underground.” If current trends mean anything, that hush-hush way of thinking might be on its way out.

Just Do It

Nick Karras and his girlfriend, Sayaka Adachi, are serving tea and PiM’s cookies on a Sunday afternoon in Hillcrest. They’ve converted a light-filled cottage apartment on Pennsylvania into their office space, tastefully painted in taupe with crisp white crown molding. The furniture is classic but not fussy, the hardwood floors immaculate. There’s a fireplace, a vase of fresh flowers, a poofy sofa and a large picture window they cover with a movie screen on nights when they host sexology workshops.

Adachi is a former Orange County school psychologist who recently traded up her master’s degree in special education for a doctorate in human sexuality. Her partner, Karras, worked as a commercial photographer for 27 years before deciding to go back to school to become a certified sexologist. They met at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco and opened the Love Life Sex Center in December, offering individual sex coaching as well as workshops with names like Kissing 101 and Spice Up Your Love Life.

Giggle all you want. Sexologists are tackling some serious relationship issues. In fact, they seem almost old-fashioned in their exercises designed not just to teach people how to be more sexual but also to encourage couples to actually work through their intimacy problems.

“Most people only get to talk about sex in a joking way. Rarely do they sit down and really discuss it,” says Karras, who uses the umbrella term “sex-positive” to classify the line of work he’s in.

To say that Karras has plenty of sexpositive company in the San Diego area would be to understate an entire industry that’s not only alive and well but also networking right under our noses. Sex coaches, tantric guides and exotic-dance instructors have hung their shingles here. There are renowned manufacturers of high-end sex toys nearby, and you can barely toss a set of car keys in this county without hitting one of our many swingers clubs.

Linda Savage, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and sex therapist who specializes in working with couples on sexual issues, isn’t surprised this town has no shortage of people who want to improve their sex lives. “A lot of San Diegans are interested in some form of personal improvement, whether by doing yoga, eating right or seeking therapy,” she says. “Whenever you have a health-oriented attitude, you see openness.”

For Savage, author of Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality: The Power of the Feminine Way, that means a steady supply of patients seeking relief from issues ranging from sexual boredom to what Savage refers to as “desire discrepancy.” She believes that image conscious Southern California has a tremendous need for people who will lend a professional ear to other people’s Red Shoe Diaries moments.

So how does a sex therapist help restless couples work through their bedroom problems? For starters, she takes a close look at how they communicate and interact when they’re not in the bedroom. “You want to see the way the dance works,” she explains.

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