Science Marches On

Advances in science and technology are taking mankind in new directions. Of course, some of the approaches may require a U-turn, considering where this all might be heading.

The first clue came in a newspaper story about a university study in which scientists tried to determine why smaller nuts always end up in the bottom of the bag or jar of mixed nuts. Casual observation of a bag of trail mix in your local pub would seem to provide an immediate answer—without requiring undergraduates, grad students and a tenured professor to sit around shaking jars of mixed nuts from Costco and then record the results with high-speed cameras designed to track bullets in flight.

The pursuit of other nut research led to many scientific discoveries:

Titanium Floating Airports: Japan has built a prototype floating airport in Tokyo Bay to see if the concept could work for a new international airport. The 3,281-foot-long, 397-foot-wide pontoon is made of steel and titanium and has been tested with hundreds of prop plane landings. Floating is better than landfill—less environmental impact and less susceptible to earthquakes. The cost: approximately $170 million, or about what has been spent over the decades on airport relocation studies in San Diego. Next: creating a pontoon big enough to be tested with 747s. When they go to the larger size, maybe San Diego could rent the shorter version for use in the waters off Coronado, La Jolla or Del Mar.

Wired for Life: Technomavens are promoting the elimination of the larger hand-held computer devices, laptops and other geek paraphernalia by imbedding systems into clothing, such as wireless antennae woven into lapels or bras, batteries for collar stays, hard drives as belt buckles and collar or blouse buttons for microphones. Of course, the clothes can never be washed, and the wearer must clear security at airports by laying supine on the conveyer belts and taking a pass through the baggage scan machine. Next: Download e-mail on our electronic toothbrushes and surf the Web with garage-door remotes.

Take One and Call Me in the Morning: Researchers at the Royal London Hospital have developed a high-tech answer to endoscopy and colonoscopy diagnostics: a 1.5-inch-long, 0.5-inch-wide capsule camera one swallows. The unit passes through the system naturally and includes battery, lights, video camera and transmitter. Patients wear a belt with a recorder. Images are uploaded from the recorder to the doctor’s computer for diagnosis of polyps, cancer, ulcers and other problems. The only thing missing: a shrunken crew to make colon repairs in transit—as was attempted with the circulatory system in the movie Fantastic Voyage (with La Jolla’s own Raquel Welch).

Sound Technology for Crowd Control: After years of testing, Aussies have found how to rid their malls of loitering teenagers: Play Bing Crosby records over the public address system. The music and lyrics, particularly “My Heart Is Taking Lessons,” drove the adolescents to the exits. According to reports in the South China Morning Post, shopkeepers hate the music too, but endure the tradeoff for a more secure environment. The technology could well work in ridding San Diego parks of loiterers and seagulls and golf courses of mud hens and tourists.

Origins of Navel Lint: The University of Sydney (what is it about those Aussies?) is running a scientific experiment into the mysterious attraction between fluff and navels. “We are trying to work out what causes the lint, and why it is always blue,” said Dr. Karl Kruszelnickyi. Environmentalists suggest it be recycled and knitted into sweaters for the Royal Australian Navy.

Red Planet Kitsch: Scientists at NASA announced discovering evidence of bacteria-like life on Mars in a meteorite found 12 years ago in Antarctica. This, of course, launched a series of NASA requests for huge amounts of money to send missions to Mars to find more bacteria (they could always collaborate with Dr. Karl). There is a payoff to humanity, of sorts, for the gazillion-dollar investment: We can look forward to seeing great photos of Martian rocks on posters in mall art stores.

Depends in Space: NASA also had a major PR coup when it sent John Glenn back into orbit. This provided reams of valuable research to be used for future programs, such as sending legions of senior citizens into space when Social Security runs out.

Or Replace the Toilet Paper: Rafael Garcia from Chula Vista wrote Dr. Science in Funny Times and asked why they lock bathroom doors in California service stations. “They’re afraid someone will clean them,” Dr. Science answered.

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