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Brian Malarkey on The Real Housewives of Orange County and SD's food scene
A WHOLE LOT OF MALARKEY
San Diego Restaurant Week is almost over, and I hope you had the chance to get out and enjoy some of San Diego’s great dining establishments. Some restaurants have extended the prix fixe menu for another week, so if you missed getting to all of the places you wanted to check out, you still may have time.
As most of you “foodies” do, I look forward to the food section in the Union-Tribune. Most of the time I wish it was a little more involved: more reviews, more local info, farm reports, national trends, adventurous, etc. I was reading this week’s story, "Quantum Cuisine," by Peter Rowe, discussing the phenomenon that is molecular gastronomy and I really started asking myself what I thought of it.
My first thought is it’s a little intimidating, can be very unusual and, most importantly, I think it’s hard enough to find chefs who can roast a chicken perfect consistently, let alone serve dove sole with black and white stripes. In this time of the “farm to table” movement, I believe the less you do to your food the better. It’s more about keeping the integrity of the cuisine rather than creating gelatinous cubes of fruity faux caviar. I love a good adventure, and Judd Canepari and his team do a great job up at Rancho Bernardo (from what I hear), but me, I’m going stick with the old standbys: grilling, searing, roasting and toasting. My friends, what are your thoughts?
One more thing: Hey Judd, don’t rip San Diegans by saying “this is not a food town.” You’re part of the food scene; you’re really ripping yourself. Now roll that up in a ball of steam and make it rain orange pearls.
Cheers!
If you had the opportunity to see the train wreck that is The Real Housewives of Orange County this week, you probably saw Malarkey in the middle. Here’s my blog on that evening’s happenings.
In search of the 16th minute of fame!
Andy Warhol said everyone gets his or her 15 minutes of fame; well, we had a lot of fame abuse on the “Naked Drunk” episode of TRHOC.
When Bravo and the ladies came calling for me to take a nice drive up to OC and throw a dinner party, I thought, “I’ll take another minute.” I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I’ve never really watched the show that much but I figured I knew what it was all about; I was so wrong. I was always curious how they shoot these types of shows: Are they scripted? Where do the camera and sound crews hide, etc.? I learned that it is impossible to script something as wild as an episode with these ladies. When the cameras start rolling (and they are rolling from the minute the ladies walk through the front door), all hell breaks loose. Now you see, I was on Top Chef to of course exploit my cooking skills (skills being the key word here) and myself. These ladies are exploiting themselves for popularity (cheap fame), and this is achieved by doing the outrageous.
I was in the kitchen focusing on the multi-course dinner I was preparing and I didn’t realize all of the drama going on just a few steps away. Now I knew Gretchen was extremely drunk and making a mess of herself on camera for the whole nation to see, but I didn’t know that Tamara, Simon and Ryan were plotting it all along. I thought Tamara and Simon were really great to work with, but I was not impressed with the way they went after Gretchen. Now I’m not going to say I didn’t think she had it coming, but this was over the top, and sending Ryan after her was just wrong on so many levels. I mentioned I was curious as to where they hid the camera. Well, they don’t hide the cameras. They are everywhere, and Ryan loves them. They were following him all over as he pawed at the defenseless Gretchen. This reminded me of the lion (although Ryan is much more of a hyena) hunting the gazelle. And for the record, he didn’t make a single drink that night — my guy Christopher Puffer was mixing them, and Ryan was pouring them for the camera.
The rest of the group who weren’t involved in the deterioration of Gretchen had a great dinner and were very curious about the food and wine. Vicki is really a sweetheart; yes, a loud sweetheart, but definitely sweet. Jeana almost seems as if she is over trying to compete with these wild blondes for airtime, and Lynne was looking like she wanted to get out of this ASAP. Maybe she’s got a date with the Doobies.
15 minutes of fame abuse
Gretchen: Wild, funny, sad, pathetic, and DIRTY!
Tamara: “Hot,” jealous, weird and mean
Simon: Must be a handyman because he is such a “tool”
Ryan: Confused, deranged, DIRTY!
What did I get with my extra minute of fame? A million-dollar ad campaign for catering, and it looked great. Thank you to the editors and to Bravo!
Check out my new Web site at www.brianmalarkey.com.
Take care and tune in next week to see what happened with the rest of the evening.
P.S. Please learn from this and be careful how you use your 15 minutes.
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Reader Comments:
Q: what happens when white trash wins the lottery?
A: The Real Housewives of OC
congrats on the exposure and the meal Brian. Pity you had such trashy guests!!
Brian, what's their neighborhood like? Nice? Or McMansions all around?
Can´t wait to try the Oysters!!! Do you serve those in your Oyster bar?
Brian,
Stick to what your doing by writting about yourself on TV, because you havent done much for this "food Town". But if you would like i can get Chef Judd Canepari to help you understand food science. We can start with corn starch. Good for you to stand up for SD from the big bully Chef. Sorry, he rained oragne pearls on your Malarkey Parade
Who are you??? We have Beautiful roast chicken for family meal you should try it, maybe our line cooks can show you?? Canepari just said something that you chefs out here don’t have the balls to say, and if you think it is a "food town" you seriously need to get out more often. About "Farm to table" So you are telling us you rather have a slice of Farmers market Kara Kara orange on your plate for desert or kara Kara orange frozen Soufflé, Caviar, Espuma, Granite, sorbet, Ice cream, gelée, or consume etc?
P.S. Its Dover sole
Cheers!
Steve
You can stand to use a few lessons on grilling,searing,roasting,......toasting?, from the food at Ocean Air. the chefs at RBI are culinary studs.
Brian,
Here are my thoughts;
First off, before you "rip" on a Chef (Canepari) who is more experienced, talented and skillful than you are...DON'T! Next time you question the phenomenon of molecular gastronomy you should educate yourself instead of complaining on your blog. It's obvious that your "dis-interest" in what's really going on in the culinary world stems from the simple fact that you're jealous the article had nothing to do with you.
Which brings me to my next point, your other complaint that the food section in the paper is not "adventurous" enough. Would you prefer that the paper bore us with articles related to your favorites, grilling, roasting and searing? I think everyone would agree that the "Quantum Cuisine" article was far more exciting!
Lastly, your distasteful blog, your failure to become Top-Chef, and your un-climactic appearance on "TRHOC" should all inspire you to drive up to the Rancho Bernardo Inn and see for yourself what a great job they do there. You might learn something and more importantly become inspired to change S.D. into a "food town".
Would you like some cheese with that whine?
first, i think you(brian malarkey) should take a trip to el bizcocho yourself and try the food before passing judgement or making comments regarding trend setting food preperation techniques without trying it. second... i think you and chef judd should have a cook off and charge for it. something multi coursed head to head. with proceeds going to local farmers and supporting sources. i have faith in malarkey's fighting spirit, i think if you are man enough to take on 11 other chef's on top chef, then what's it to challenge 1 chef. then again i heard that he's pretty good at preparing fish. so if you are afraid then i wouldnt blaim you if you backed down. but i think you will except the challenge, after all you are a chef. it's in our blood to be competitive.
p.s. my fellow san diegan's what do you think? we need some excitement in this food town.
Being a chef myself, I find that other chefs who know nothing about "molecular gastronomy" refer to the process as unnatural and/or adding chemicals to the food. The chemicals are really ingredients... used in food manufacturing for years and derived entirely from nature. To turn your nose up at this "phenomena" is to say that you are unwilling or unable to learn how to use them. This particular part of food science is so new that nobody really knows the limit of the possibilities. What is known however, is that cooking has a whole new set of rules, while the basics; grilling, searing, roasting, and toasting are the backbone of the cuisine at El Biz, so are the new techniques... which are showcased beautifully, new with old by Chef Rojas.
As Chefs, we all must strive for perfection in all things food, we must embrace new ingredients and new techniques, and we must also respect the time honored traditions while searching for new and interesting flavours, textures, and combinations to please the public. Because what good is a new technique or ingredient if nobody enjoys it?
Dear Steve,
Sole is any of various flatfishes (family Soleidae)
it's Consommé not Consume (to eat or drink)
it's Dessert not Desert (an arid land)
You may want to re-read your on-line menu and correct that too?
Rocket Arugula – either or, not both, it's redundant
Butter scotch – is one word, not two
Argon oil is typically spelled Argan Oil
It's Queso de Valdeón not Queso De Valdeon (small d and a diacritical mark over the o
Buerre Charentes Poitou – it's Beurre
Persillé de Malzieu also has a diacritical mark over the e in Persillé
Brunch
It's Jalapeño not Jalapeno
Correcting people hurts, doesn't it?
Incidentally you might be fascinated to know that Soleidae have a small mouth, small or rudimentary fins, and small eyes placed close together, sound familiar?