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New Year’s Sporting Resolutions |
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By Ron Donoho
(page 1 of 2)
January is a time to reassess your life and set goals to improve in the new year. Sports figures are no different than you and I—except they’re usually bigger, faster, stronger and better paid. Repress jealousy, repress jealousy. But athletes are often so focused on their training they sometimes lose sight of the nuance of their activity. So in the spirit of jocular enlightenment, here are some ’02 take-’em-or-leave-’em recommendations for San Diegans involved in everything from road racing to football flinging, soccer to skateboarding and a few other sweaty endeavors.Mike Riley
Abandon the “I’m okay, you’re okay” approach to coaching the Chargers—or whichever team you may helm next season. Purchase a Vince Lombardi biography, watch old tapes of Mike Ditka storming the Chicago Bears sidelines (circa 1986) and learn to contort your face like Oakland’s John Gruden.
Junior Seau
Adopt an “I’m okay, you’re okay” approach to life. The gesticulating, hyperactive Chargers linebacker should spend some quality time trout fishing and singing sea chanteys with Coach Riley.
Drew Brees
Hang in there, kid. Realize you’re the Chargers QB of the future—but the future is not yet upon us. Relax. Get a yearly pass for the zoo. Learn to surf. Purchase a 10-year subscription to San Diego Magazine.
Doug Flutie
Start your own newspaper. Pen a column in which you, the Chargers quarterback, critique the writing styles of local sports columnists. When an overweight, washed-up hack dangles participles or otherwise abuses the English language, imply that an editorial assistant just out of college deserves his job.
Phil Nevin
The Padres slugger should take part of his $34 million contract extension—which locks him up through 2006—and buy a downtown condo bachelor pad. Buy now, Phil—can I call you Phil?—don’t wait until the new ballpark comes on-line in 2004 and real estate prices are soaring higher than your monster home runs.
Bob Vizas
Bring your sharp legal mind to the table as new president of the Padres. But don’t lose sight of the blueprint left by your predecessor, Larry Lucchino. Respect the fans, talk straight with the press, and at some point, make a public call for dropping a can of whoop-ass on clueless Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig.
The Pad Squad
Good job pumping up crowds at Padres games. But could you lithe guys and gals work out a little extra this off-season? Pull harder! It’s the folks in the upper decks who need those T-shirts you fire out of your giant rubber-band slingshots—not the corporate yucks in field-level seats.
The Sockers and The Gulls
Keep on kicking and sticking, respectively. You’re the only San Diego pro sports teams that are proven league title winners. Keep those soccer and hockey franchises solvent—at least until the Padres or Chargers clue in.
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