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5 tips on how to make the most of who you are
There is an African-American proverb that says, “God makes three requests of His children: Do the best you can, where you are, with what you have, now.”
With San Diego Magazine’s August “Best of San Diego” issue on the stands, and the 2010 Best of San Diego party August 20 at the NTC Promenade (you will be there won’t you?), I began thinking about what it means to be “the best” wherever you are and with whatever you have.
My readers know that when it comes to Italian restaurants in town, my “best” and by far my outstanding unparalleled favorite is San Diego’s best — Arrivederci. Best burgers by far come from Burger Lounge. Want to spend a moderate amount of money and eat San Diego’s best? Terra takes the top honors for that one. And the list goes on and on in the August issue, covering every aspect of life in our glorious “best” town, not just restaurants.
But the list is incomplete. What’s missing on the “Best” list is YOU! How can you place yourself on your own “Best” list? How can you become and stay the best you can be?
Ready to do this? OK, clear your mind, and think about your ideal and actual self. How far apart are these concepts? To close the gap, these five steps will lead you there — or are you there already?
1. Keep in mind what Ben Franklin said: “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self."
Knowing yourself is the critical key to begin the journey to your best-hood. Knowing your purpose, passion, values and needs go far beyond what you hope to be. It’s what you already are.
2. Express the treasures you have, your authentic self. Arrivederci doesn’t try to be any other fabulous restaurant. It knows what it is and simply brings that to San Diego. When someone asked Michelangelo how he sculpted the beautiful statue of David out of one piece of marble, Michelangelo answered, "I just chipped away everything that wasn't David." Get rid of what’s not you, the clutter, the obstacles in your way, the false strivings and the distractions from your best.
3. Be singularly focused, completely mindful and purposeful in accepting the best you that you are. Imagine driving through a school parking lot with dozens of children running after each other, chasing balls, darting in and out around parked cars. You’d drive damn slow, be hyper-aware and completely focused. You deserve the same level of attention for your own protection and growth.
4. Do. I like what Johann Wolfgang von Goethe wrote: "Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.” What do you need to do, to practice daily, in order to achieve your best? Make the choice to bring your best with you wherever you go, wherever you go.
5. Yes, a list of being your best would be incomplete without suggesting that you fill your thoughts with only confidence-boosting, positive, at worst neutral self-statements. Albert Ellis, my teacher and mentor and guide, taught that "Conditional Self-Acceptance" (CSA) is when we feel great about ourselves only on the condition that we attain our ambitions and personal goals. He believes that "Unconditional Self-Acceptance" (USA) results when we recognize and appreciate our unique qualities, our “best,” no matter what actions we do, or how successful our relationships are. This latter approach, “USA,” helps us avoid failing to live up to unrealistic “best” expectations, with all of the negative self-esteem that comes from that. His point is, “self-esteem is anathema to self-acceptance.”
According to a study by Chamberlain, David, and Haaga in 2001, “People with high unconditional self-acceptance (USA) were more objective when evaluating themselves and also less apt to denigrate those who negatively evaluated their performance.”
The point is, you are already on your own best list. You just need to see it, feel it and own it regardless of whether you see you name on the 2010 Best of San Diego list. You are already there.
William Shakespeare said, “The choices we make dictate the life we lead. To thine own self be true.” Perhaps that’s the best you can be — to be true to yourself.
So be sure you are attending the Best of San Diego party this Friday — after all, you are the best of San Diego!
For more than 30 years, Dr. Mantell has successfully been bringing upbeat, friendly and helpful psychological insights to individuals, families and businesses in San Diego as a clinical and corporate psychologist in private practice. He's been a regular on Good Morning America, KFMB-TV News 8, has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live, the Today show, authored two best-selling books and speaks regularly for audiences throughout the country. Dr. Mantell is a member of the Sports Medicine team at The Sporting Club at the Aventine in La Jolla, where he writes and educates others in the psychology of fitness. He can be found on Facebook and Twitter.
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Reader Comments:
You are a gift to San Diego Dr. M. You are the singularly most uplifting, inspiring and elevating shrink in town! We don't miss a week of your blog here, you are the first thing we look at and what we discuss over dinner. This "best of" thing is not the best but rather the most popular, well-liked, highly thought of and rated. Your point that we humans are already all that depending on what WE think, is just brilliant and personally meaningful. Thank you always for your wisdom and pointing us in the right direction to truly enjoy life.