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The Friendliest Shopping Mall in San Diego

The answer might surprise you

Carrie: “Honey, if it hurts so much, why are we going shopping?

Samantha: “I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.”

For those Sex and the City lovers, you might recall this scene. For those who view shopping as a form of therapy, you certainly will understand Samantha. I do. Although "recessionitis" has affected us all, shopping remains an important part of life — for a lot of us, I’m sure. There may be an economic slowdown throughout our country, but from Fashion Valley to UTC, those of us who are proud, unashamed shopaholics know what it means to “shop till you drop.”

So if you are shopper — and in San Diego we have some of the best shopping anywhere — you might be wondering, “where’s the friendliest mall?” Give me a few moments and I’ll answer this question.

First, let’s understand what shopping is. Paco Underhill, a behavioral scientist who studies shopping behavior, notes, “We use shopping as therapy, reward, bribery, pastime, as an excuse to get out of the house, as a way to troll for potential loved ones, as entertainment, as a form of education or even worship, as a way to kill time.” He finds that shopping is, most importantly, an activity that allows people to connect with one another. So friendly shopping malls are important.

Shopping is not just something we do to acquire things. People are social and we need to be around other people. Going to Grossmont Center, Horton Plaza, Plaza Bonita, Seaport Village, or the Coronado Ferry Landing is as much a social experience as anything else. It’s been a key human psychological driver since we were hunters and gatherers. Sure, you “need” a new pair of Rock & Republic jeans or a new pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, but strolling through the tony shopping villages of La Jolla or Rancho Santa Fe fulfills as much a social need as it does a filling-your-closet need.

So when it comes to wondering which is the friendliest mall in town, you see why the question is important. Here’s how to find the answer. It’s a time-tested experiment I developed years ago. No need to take notes, it’s really rather simple.

Walk down one side of any mall from Oceanside to National City, smile, be sure to make eye contact, nod, give a warm “hi.” Then walk down the other side of the same shopping mall, make no eye contact, do not smile, offer no “hello,” and just keep walking.

Notice that one side of the mall is friendlier than the other? Notice that one side of the mall has more people smiling at you and acting friendlier? Duh. And there you have the results of the age-old question that has plagued San Diego professional shoppers for decades — which mall is friendlier? The answer: It all depends on you.

I am reminded of Abraham Lincoln’s comment, “Most people are about has happy as they make up their minds to be.” You bring your smile to any mall in San Diego and you’ll find that mall to be the friendliest around, from the most luxurious shopping temples to the discount malls that populate our county north to south.

The same holds true in life. The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. A smile will always confuse another’s frown. Like Chris Rock says, “Don’t hate the player (the mall), hate the game (the attitude you bring to the mall). You want a friendly shopping mall? Remember that life — and shopping — is like a mirror: You’ll get the best results when you smile at it. Your happiness is your responsibility. It sure isn’t anyone else’s. So smile, shop and don’t let the economic slowdown, well, slow you down when it comes to enjoying the great malls we have in our county.

For my money, what’s left of it anyway, a smile is the second best thing you can do with your lips.

For more than 30 years, Dr. Mantell has successfully been bringing upbeat, friendly and helpful psychological insights to individuals, families and businesses in San Diego as a clinical and corporate psychologist in private practice. He's been a regular on Good Morning America, KFMB-TV News 8, has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live, the Today show, authored two best-selling books and speaks regularly for audiences throughout the country.

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