San Diego Magazine / May 1998 / Standing Headlines

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Standing Headlines

In the publishing business, newspapers and magazines have what are called “standing headlines.” The concept started decades ago, when printers used molten lead to make type. Newspapers created standing heads for their columnists, stock tables and regular categories of coverage, such as obituaries, society balls and sports scores. Once created, the theory went, the heads could be used forever, lowering the cost of production. This also made it easier to design the page and drop in type.

The wags on the newspaper—found in greatest abundance among the copy editors assigned to check style and grammar and write appropriate headlines—turned the concept into running jokes. They would find news events of the day they felt deserved to be accorded a standing head. A few global examples from different eras and areas: Eisenhower Plays Golf; Kennedy Upset over Cuba, Russia; LBJ Curses at Reporters; Yankees Win Pennant; Nixon Denies Wrongdoing; Cubs Lose; Trade Deficit Soars; Carter Wavers on Foreign Policy; Taxes Increase; Dallas Cowboy Star Jailed; Spectator Hit by Ford Tee Shot; Americans Get Fatter Every Year; Autos Recalled; Cher Voted Worst Dressed; Ex-Aide Claims Clinton Sexual Advances; Earthquake Hits Northern California; Hillary Clinton Tries New Image; Antitrust Suit Filed Against Microsoft; Network Ratings Down; French Lead Europe in Rudeness.

Candidates for local standing heads came out of politics, mostly, and the behavior of politicians. When San Diego was much smaller and the world less politically correct, the wagsters would post proposed standing heads on newsroom bulletin boards, such as: Councilman Stopped for Drunken Driving; Bums Create Downtown Eyesore; Mayor in Football Ticket Scandal. From this historical perspective, The Native reviewed the archives of San Diego Magazine and the on-line libraries of local newspapers, searching for common themes and candidates for the coveted honor of being a standing headline. The criteria: repetition and endurance.

Herewith are a few proposed standing heads for San Diego, with a lead paragraph or introductory lines as they might appear later this year or next or into the new millennium. Some could last forever.

City Council Orders Airport Study—Faced with San Diego International Airport reaching capacity and surrounding streets in gridlock, the City Council has ordered a study for relocating the airport within the next three decades to someplace with room and no residents to whine about it.

Sewage Spill Closes Mission Bay —A break in the aging local sewer system, combined with residents of Clairemont flushing an average of 38 times per day per household, has caused health officials to close Mission Bay.

Jewel Ball Attracts Glitterati—The tennis courts of La Jolla Beach & Tennis Club were transformed into the ballroom of the luxury liner Titanic for this annual benefit gala Saturday night, and no one could have been prouder than the captain of the ship, Chairwoman Dodie Golightly, who set the course for a night of fashion and fun.

Radio Stations Change Owners, Formats—Following the world’s most complicated leveraged buyout and stock swap, every radio station in the county has new owners, and each will change formats next week to better align signal strength with potential audiences.

Gadfly Professor from Irvine Loses Election—An attempt to campaign on local issues while commuting from Orange County failed to sway voters for the 10th time in 12 years for the peripatetic Peter Navarro.

Hats Off to Opening Day at Del Mar—A starstudded crowd kicked off the annual racing season at Del Mar in finery tradition yesterday, with a display of chapeaux so impressive it was difficult to see the track from the Turf Club.

Mexican Food Tops Readers’ Poll of Favorites—San Diegans eat more Mexican food than any other cuisine type, according to a survey commissioned by Pepto-Bismol.

Vice Squad Sting Clears El Cajon Boulevard—Officers posing as potential customers, prostitutes and their agents struck it rich Saturday night along El Cajon Boulevard, nabbing more than 150 johns in two hours.

Miss Emerson Has I.Q. To Go with Other Attributes—The 20-year-old woman selected as the queen of the annual World Championship Over-the-Line Tournament has more going for her than meets the eye. She just received dual doctorates in cosmetology and bioengineering from the University of Nestor.

Sports Arena Sound System To Be Improved—After 7,512 complaints that Placido Domingo sounded like Kermit the Frog with laryngitis during his recent solo performance here, operators of the Sports Arena have pledged to renovate the sound system for the 12th time in seven years, this time using electrical wiring instead of recycled dental floss.

Libertarians Sue City—Undeterred by the fact that delays will cost taxpayers millions of dollars and leave thousands of tons of refuse uncollected for over four months, two local Libertarian gadflies have filed suit to put all trash collection contracts on the ballot in September for public approval.

New Symphony Board Optimistic—Following day-long planning sessions and meetings with officials from the musicians union, members of the new symphony board were cautiously optimistic the season could be resumed in the next year with 12 musicians and a new venue in Pacific Beach Middle School Auditorium. Tickets will be $400 to help ensure a debt-free season, a spokesman said.

San Diego Biotech Firm Acquired—A San Diego company with a portfolio of patents in important areas of drug discovery will be acquired by a Fortune 500 firm in the next month and moved to Kuala Lumpur, Paraguay or Detroit, according to sources at the investment banking firm of Stanley Morgan, Carlyle Grenfel, Lehman, Oppenheimer, Brown & Montgomery. The once-thriving local industry now has no firm in the county with more than 11 employees.

Sierra Club Opposes Road Widening —The proposed widening of a North County road to relieve congestion and commute times of more than an hour from the inland to the coast will cause irreparable harm to native habitats of the coastal slug, Del Dios cactus and a rare strain of mold found in roadside ditches every time the county has six days and nights of rain totaling 18 inches, according to charges leveled by the Sierra Club.

Gas Prices Higher Here than Any Place on Earth—An annual survey of local gasoline prices shows motorists pay 10 to 20 percent more per gallon in San Diego than in any other city on earth and an astonishing 22 percent premium on beef jerky, slush drinks and breath mints.