13 Pitches We Had To Reject: For the Week of March 7
A graveyard for wacky press releases.
Here we go with another installment of all the news that’s unfit to print.
[Ed note: There were TONS of typos in these press releases…and we left them in for your reading displeasure. Don't hate!]
1. Nut butter fanatics travel to Nepal. Three best quotes: 1.) “Two nut butter fanatics who traveled to Nepal on two different missions are teaming up to break records.” 2.) “Both Danielle and Sean share a love for the Nepalese people and NuttZo.” 3.) “NuttZo Original (blue label) is an organic omega-3 multi-nut butter delivering a powerful RAW experience.” This is a good cause, but anything that starts with “Two nut butter fanatics…” is just WOW.
2. Decorating tips using the color yellow. An Arizona interior designer from In The Pink Boutique “has some ideas.” She wants to share with reporters the idea that yellow “is the color of sunshine and happiness.” So a lady that owns a PINK boutique in Phoenix wants us to write about "decorating with Yellow" in San Diego. Wow.
3. Most annoying subject line of the week. Re: “Event event event!” comes courtesy of AddMovi, “a young and creative stock footage company based in Central London.” To be clear, AddMovi isn’t holding any events. They are just photographing them.
4. Last minute trip to Istanbul. An email was sent March 7th inviting one of our editors to Turkey on March 31. Çırağan Palace Kempinski Istanbul needs visitors ASAP! We're sorry we couldn’t pull this one off.
5. “Frelance [sic] piece” with “excellent selectioin [sic] of photographs.” We received an email from a “writer” with an “excellent piece.” Not only was his spelling tragic, he repeated the word “piece” three times and “excellent” twice in the span of four sentences. A guy who doesn’t own a dictionary or thesaurus wants to sell us a story that another magazine published already? WOW.
6. Gut-busting restaurant challenges. On the heels of the news of the death of the 575-pound, 29-year-old spokesman for Heart Attack Grill, CouponSherpa.com is promoting its 2011 list of 83 Gut-Busting Restaurant Challenges for Free Food. The list features restaurant items like a 10-pound cheese steak and 4-pound sushi roll. Luckily, only one San Diego restaurant made the list: The Broken Yolk Café, for its 12-egg omelet. Must finish said omelet in one hour or it’s not free. Barf! Wow.
7. Grab Guard, the lock for your purse. How it works: “The innovative lock line is used to wrap around the strap of the valuable AND around a secure item like a sturdy chair; desk or table leg; or shopping cart handle and more.” They’re stylish, too: “At Grab Guard®, we have a purse lock for every occasion: formal, casual, even a day at the beach.” But purses are for transporting items. Are you supposed to strap it to your leg? If so, maybe we’d use it if we lived in New York City…but we rarely carry diamonds in our handbags and then walk through crowds of shady individuals. Wow.
8. Gift Card Granny issues a challenge. This one we’re just going to quote straight up: “The revolutionary discount gift card marketplace GiftCardGranny.com allows shoppers to find and buy other consumers unwanted gift cards for less than the cards value. Gift Card Granny is proud to announce that she has challenged stay-at-home mom of two, Ashley Grimaldo to live off gift cards through the month of March.” Wow.
9. Opportunity to interview George Hamilton. Red Carpet alert! The Desert AIDS Project is holding their Steve Chase gala this Saturday at the Palm Springs Convention Center. The red carpet stars will be none other than Joan Collins, George Hamilton, Carol Channing, et al. Not really our demographic.
10. Opportunity to interview a “leading” celebrity eyewear trends expert. A sunglasses boutique tells us that they have an expert who is “available to discuss hot new 2011 shade trends and of course what the stars will be wearing this year." The expert's official title is Shades Consultant to the Stars and Eyewear Industry Trends Expert. This might be useful if we were a fashion magazine and we lived in L.A., where the boutique is located. Even still, we would probably only go for the free shades.
11. Pimp my Pet. Products for your pooch. Platinum Pets USA has a plethora of alliteration going on. Wow.
In our mailbox…
12. Hello Kitty Eye Shadow Compact (even though we don’t cover beauty or children).
13. Acqua for Life message in a bottle. The press release is inside the bottle, but the stopper is really wedged in there, so we can’t read it. #PressKitFAIL
For last week’s installment, click here.