Edit ModuleShow Tags

The Secret to Avoiding Food Guilt

Food delivery companies allow us to shame eat with abandon


Published:

 “I really wanted to order the Dorito’s shell taco from Taco Bell,” an iconic restaurateur recently told me. “But I don’t want to be spotted standing in line at Taco Bell. So I used Postmates and had it delivered to our offices. I do it all the time. If there’s some really embarrassing food I want to eat, I use Postmates. Every day a Postmates bag delivers some god-awful food to our door. No one knows the awful **** in there.”

I hadn’t even considered this. Food delivery services are the new way to eat an entire cake in a closet while you cry. No one has to know your dirty little appetite. Sure, many of you don’t care and will proudly order a family-sized bucket of KFC and eat it with your shirt off. You are enlightened and immune to food guilt. But there are legitimate reasons standing between good Americans and their crappy food choices.  

Is the man at McDonalds starting to ask about kids you don’t have because you always order three Bic Macs? Postmates will protect you.

Do you really want a taco from that joint down the street, but one night you went home with a bartender and told them your name was Starchild? UberEats is the call, Starchild.

Has the polite man who owns the liquor store started giving you AA pamphlets? GrubHub can fit a lot of wine in the trunk.

Would you rather your friend who works at the grocery store not see you buy 14 different kinds of cheese? A cheese hearse is waiting for your order.

Is the donut shop next to your pilates class? A man in a car will get you a dirty dozen.

Are you a personal trainer with a forbidden love affair with the Frosty at Wendy’s? Your secret’s safe with food delivery.

Do you own a restaurant but know that your competitor’s burger beats the tar out of your own? It’ll be at your door in 45 minutes.

So thank you, Postmates, UberEats, GrubHub, all of you. You’ve become our buffer when it comes to ordering naughty foods. You take the shame—we take the fries, shakes, cheese, booze, and ill-advised happiness.   

Edit ModuleShow Tags

More »Related Stories

Best Things I Ate This Month: March 2017

Red Curry at Supannee Thai, Milk-Fed Rack of Lamb at Ponsaty’s, and Chicken Crisp at Rare Form

The Best Food & Drink Events in March

Ceviche Wednesdays at Isabel PB, Spring Winemaker Dinner, and Beer vs. Wine Dinner

Give Us Back Our (Pink, Himalayan) Salt and Pepper

Diners clamor for it, say chefs need to drop the ego
Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit Module

Subscribe to the Blog

 
Edit ModuleShow Tags Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Sponsored

Win $2,500 in Furniture from Industry West

Bring out your inner creativity

Enter a Drawing You Could Actually Win

There are more than 1,700 prizes in the Dream House Raffle
Edit Module
Edit ModuleShow Tags