10 Pitches We Had To Reject
A graveyard for wacky press releases
Posted Thursday, February 28, 2013, 02:04PM
Here at San Diego Magazine, we receive thousands of pitches from freelance writers, publicists, entrepreneurs, and total randoms. Below are just a few ideas we couldn’t use.
The pitch: Lingerie Innovator Not Afraid to Dream Little
Buried in a 600-word email about the founding of a bra business is this explanation: “Shing dreamed of creating her own lingerie line. As a petite woman on the hunt for the perfect petite bra, she found that nothing was affordable or unpadded.” Here’s to dreaming little!
The pitch: Volere’s ‘wine-in-purse’ [is] this year’s fun and delicious way to entertain.
In their June 2012 issue, Beverage Media called this purse a “game changer.” Indeed! Each bag color comes with a different kind of wine (Pinot Grigio, Rosé…), all for just $14.99.
The pitch: Van Gogh Vodka launches PB&J-flavored vodka.
Now you can get an alcoholic buzz from a liquid that tastes like that good ol’ “American classic” ($27). I found this interesting: “Today, PB&J sandwiches are so ubiquitous that the average 25 year-old has already consumed at least 1,500 of them.” I hope no one keeps a bottle of this vodka in a house where kids live.
The pitch: The Golf Cigar Holder is a clever golf accessory that provides an ideal place to lay your cigar while you make your shot to the green.
Get a load of this purple prose: “This stylish addition to golf bags is an elegant solution sure to be accepted by every golfer that wants to light up a stogie on the course.” You can also engrave it! $19.95
The pitch: Mommy Kitty Cindy Takes a Bullet for Her Babies!
A publicist for a veterinarian tells us, “I have an incredibly touching story of a mommy kitty who literally took a BB bullet for her kittens. … A lovely example of the incredible bond between a mother and her children.” The best part is, one of the accompanying photos is of the actual bullet. WOW.
The pitch: PetPaint is changing the way people celebrate with their furry loved ones.
Celebrate “with” your dog? I don’t think a dog sporting fur spray on his body is celebrating anything.
The pitch: Did Jesus Have a Cat?
and Other Observations from a Quirky Mind is now available.
64-year-old first-time author Connie Pursell has written a collection of stories using the fodder archived in her “quirky mind.” Unfortunately, after a certain number of these pitches, “quirky” just isn't that cute. Sorry, Connie!
The pitch: You’re invited to a La-Z-Boy Cocktail Reception!
Two La-Z-Boy showrooms have opened in San Marcos and La Mesa. They hosted dual receptions, and I had to laugh at the idea of a party where no one mixes or mingles because they can’t get up from their chairs. I didn’t go see it for myself, though. I was too lazy.
The pitch: Two Padres visit a Dodgers fan.
When San Diego Padres pitchers Ross Ohlendorf (left) and Joe Wieland dropped into the Naval Medical Center San Diego's Combat and Polytrauma Care in-patient ward, they found Marine Sgt. Allan Michaels (and his wife) who forgot to change his shirt! (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication 1st Class Anastasia Puscian/ HIPAA Complete)
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